Getting hit by a freight train feels like this...

Recently, my brain's been a muddled mixture of "what if's" "maybe if" "should I" "I really shouldn't" and "fuck that's" and it's been a dizzying emotional rollercoaster that gets quite exhausting after a while.  As a fan of the "It gets better" motto, this shouldn't really bother me that much, but surprisingly, it does.  To say that I'm confused would be the understatement of the year.  Lost is more appropriate, I think. Whether it's with work or life, I just feel lost.  Not empty, mind you.  Just really freaking lost.  I miss those days when I'd just got to Starbucks and people-watch while I sip my frappucino, chain-smoke, and type a blog entry furiously on my phone so I can immediately post something when I get home. And this blog entry just made me realize that maybe I should do that today...well, tomorrow, maybe, not today.  Definitely before I go back to work on Thursday.  It might ...

Do you know how it's like to feel too much? Have you ever felt so much you thought you're going to explode? You practically crawl out of your skin because all the emotions are so overwhelming -- too overwhelming -- that you don't know what to do with yourself anymore? To feel pain ripping through your chest like it was nothing but a piece of flimsy paper? I do. Every. Fucking. Day. I feel too much. I'm not talking about empathy. I'm talking about pure, unadulterated emotions coursing through your entire body your chest feels too tight; your skin stretched too thin. You want to scream, hurl, laugh, cry, puke, pass out...anything. Just fucking anything to stop wave after wave after wave of emotion from washing over you like the surf breaking on rocks. Have you ever cried so hard you actually ended up short of breath? Sobs so heart and gut-wrenching that whoever overhears the sounds that you make will think that some kind of animal is hurt. But then...