Muddle is not puddle with an M

Recently, my brain's been a muddled mixture of "what if's" "maybe if" "should I" "I really shouldn't" and "fuck that's" and it's been a dizzying emotional rollercoaster that gets quite exhausting after a while.  As a fan of the "It gets better" motto, this shouldn't really bother me that much, but surprisingly, it does.  To say that I'm confused would be the understatement of the year.  Lost is more appropriate, I think.

 Whether it's with work or life, I just feel lost.  Not empty, mind you.  Just really freaking lost.  I miss those days when I'd just got to Starbucks and people-watch while I sip my frappucino, chain-smoke, and type a blog entry furiously on my phone so I can immediately post something when I get home.

 And this blog entry just made me realize that maybe I should do that today...well, tomorrow, maybe, not today.  Definitely before I go back to work on Thursday.  It might help me get some perspective on life and all this shit that my muddled, confusion-addled brain is coming up with that is causing so much agitation on my part.

 Yeah, maybe taking a break from life will do me some good.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

A Short Story: Walking Side-By-Side With A Chainlink Fence -- Re-edited and Re-posted (also posted on Wattpad under phoenix_vixen)

Ryan was on his way home from school.   He was following the chain link fence that ran from the elementary school yard beside his high school to the edge of the street where he needed to turn left and follow, still, the same chain link fence as it ran to the edge of the block where the youth center’s baseball diamond could be found side by side with a small, privately owned animal shelter. He walked silently, casting small, furtive glances at each changing sight through the fence.   He watched as kids played in the yard while they waited for their school buses or parents or whoever the hell was picking them up from school.   Ryan turned the corner and slowed his pace even more, just enjoying the everyday sights that he saw every time he followed the same path.   He touched the tender spot on his stomach and winced.   He really did not want to go home yet, but he knew he had to.   He would just get it worse if he didn’t, so he trudged on.   He passed by the baseball diamond an
Read more

Lost Essays

I was immensely depressed way back in October 2008.  Ironically, that was my birth month, but during that time, I was in an extremely dark place.  I just wanted to die, but didn't seem to have the resolve to go through it.  So I wrote.  I wrote and I wrote and I wrote until I finally had fucks to give again. The next two essays that I am going to post are from the darkness inside my head back during that year.  I was messed up; completely and utterly fucked in the head, and these writings are illustrations of the vulnerable, broken (like I'm not broken until now...) 28-year old me stripped bare of everything. These are the thoughts in my fucked up (yes, I cannot emphasize that any more than I am physically capable of) head.
Read more